Non fui, fui, non-sum, non-curo

I was not; I was; I am not; I do not care.

A couple of months ago, my eight-year-old daughter asked me, “What happens after we die?”

I told her it was a wonderful question, and many people throughout history have asked it. I told her that there were many different answers to the question and that there was much disagreement on the correct answer. Instead of answering her question immediately, I asked, “What was it like for you before you were born?”

She said, “I don’t know; I guess it was nothing.”

I responded, “Most people believe in some afterlife, a heaven or hell, or they think we come back again in some other form, through reincarnation, but I don’t know what might happen, and I don’t believe anyone really knows either. I think it’s probably like it was before you were born: nothing.”

She thought about this for a bit.

I told her that one of my favorite philosophers, Epicurus, is known for a famous epitaph that states: “I was not; I was; I am not; I do not care.”

She repeated that phrase, “I was not; I was; I am not; I do not care.” She thought a bit more and said, “I like that. I think I agree with that.”

And I said, “This answer bothers a lot of people; the thought of losing one another forever once we die is upsetting. We’ve constructed many religions with the concept of an afterlife or a return to life, and this seems to bring many people peace, but it just feels like wish-thinking to me. We should have empathy for these worldviews. There are many people in our lives that we care about that feel this way about heaven and hell or the eternal soul, but that doesn’t mean we have to accept it for ourselves.”

We went on to talk about death and loss and not wanting to lose one another.

I finished with, “This is why it is so important that we love one another and treat each other well. We should try to navigate life with kindness, pursue knowledge, and embrace connection. What we have right now is probably it: once we are gone, we are gone, and there isn’t anything to be happy or sad about; we’ll be nothing for the infinity after our lives, just like we were for the infinity before.”

The next day I noticed a handwritten sign on her door read: “I was not; I was; I am not; I do not care.”